I had a very un-Jesusy moment today...
I am a peacemaker by nature. And no, it's not because I'm super spiritual...I just don't like conflict. However, this morning, I found myself in a battle, and I wasn't proud of it.
My daughter was talking on the phone with me while pumping gas at the gas station, when all of a sudden, a woman from the car behind her appeared at her window and began yelling at her because she felt she was taking too long. Well, my mother lion came out and I started yelling back at the woman through the speaker phone. It was not pretty. There was no winner or loser in that yelling match -- it was just ugly.
Did my angry words help my daughter in any way? Nope. Did the woman leave there determined to be more patient next time? I'm guessing, no. All we did was add a little more chaos and darkness to the world. We did just what the enemy of our souls wanted us to do -- tear each other down without knowing a thing about each other's stories. And yes, I do believe there are ways to stand up for ourselves and our loved ones without falling prey to rage.
I want to be filled with peace not because I'm afraid of conflict, but because I belong to Jesus, and He is my peace. The more I lean into Him, the less I cling to my need to be right, for things to be fair, or for everything to go my way. Letting go of what we think we deserve brings so much freedom.
This Prayer of St. Francis is my favorite, and I'm praying it today:
Lord, make me an instrument of your peace,
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury, pardon;
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
where there is sadness, joy;
O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek
to be consoled as to console;
to be understood as to understand;
to be loved as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive;
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.
Amen