Now is Your Time

Sometimes, Jax and I climb up on the roof of the shed in the backyard to contemplate the universe. We get a bigger picture that way -- a new perspective. We’re closer to the birds that swoop down from our little part of the sky; we can see the spastic squirrels at eye-level, playfully chasing each other along leafy branches; we can see over the backyard fence and into the great big world out there. I savor this time, because it speaks to me of something deeper. And here is that something: I was hospitalized four times in the last few years for severe depression. My children spent weeks without me, not knowing when I might be returning; my husband turned into an overworked Mr. Mom; my parents moved in to help; the little domestic world I’d created with my calendars and to-do lists, carlines and laundry loads slipped through my fingers, and I was confined to a sterile room miles away to try and find the strength to keep going another day. I lost a good part of my memory – memories of my kids that I’ve held onto for their lifetime, memories of falling in love with my husband, celebrating with my friends, gathering with my family -- even the last few years were like a big, black hole. It was disorienting to lose those touchpoints from my past life, and while I have hope that some may be regained, still, I mourned the loss of so much joy. But one particularly hopeless day, God woke me up to this truth: Now is your time. Today is for making memories. No matter what I’ve lost, what I missed, or what I wish would’ve been different, I have today to live fully. This is it! Right now! And no, I don’t always leap out of bed with a heart full of hope, but I have something deeper that sustains me – this amazing truth that He is using everything in my life – even the losses and heartaches – for my good. (Romans 8:28) He is with me in this very moment, moving me forward another step, weaving all I’ve been through into that bigger picture. I just needed a new perspective – just like Jax and me on the shed. If there’s anything that’s pulling you back, weighing your heart down right now, I encourage you to pray for the ability to see it in a new way. He’s so good at that – making all things new. Consider allowing Him to do this for you today. Now is your time!